clever napkins

5 Months.

2011-05-11T18:39:00.000-07:00

Yeh. Just under 5 months left. And the madness is setting in. All that energy I had going into it, organizing, being on top of things? Yeh, gone. The money situation doesn't help, for sure. I was working -constantly-, but last week I got smacked down by The Mystery Illness, which took me out of commission for a full week. And I didn't have the sick time to cover it all. So no overtime, much less regular work time, for this coming paycheck. Now they're telling me that they're putting a cap on it-- only 20 hours of overtime a week. So now I'm starting to scrutinize things, going 'Eh, it's an -aquarium-, people don't need tables or extra seating. The point is to walk around, after all. Plus, there's always those benches that are already there. I've started looking at things backwards. Before I was so proud, I'd secured the flowers, picked a venue, gotten my dress...Now I still haven't paid the deposit for decor, called the DJ and initial venue to cancel, booked those damn hotel blocks (which I'll get to in a minute), or gotten ahold of the bakery to schedule a tasting and pick flavors already. And I have no will to do any of it. Drained not only from constant working and illness, but also the stress of buying the New House. I really just want to be married and use this money to make the house the way we want it. Plus roommate woes that I'll not go into at this time. I've even relegated all rehearsal dinner plans to Christ's mom, something which pains me greatly. Not just the assignment of organization, but also absolving myself from payments on it. I just don't have it in me to plan -anything- else.

The aforementioned damnable hotel blocks. Searched for hotels near the aquarim and called ten or so. Got ONE person. And they said they'd email me the information to secure it and never did. All these stupid hotels are so expensive, but I don't know if I'm just a cheapskate and other people would have no problem paying $200 for a hotel. Maybe I should look for hotels further out, farther from the beach? I've no idea what's acceptable and, thus far, this is my absolute least favorite wedding task.

On a positive note, I found some shoes and got my veil stuff in. Woo.

Update.

2011-01-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

So many things to update, hopefully I don't forget anything. Officially got engaged on 11/30 in front of the tropical fish tank in the Georgia Aquarium-- the place where I'd told him I wanted to get married two weeks after we started dating and the place we decided long ago we'd never be able to afford. It was great, though he's a bit miffed because I jokingly said no when he asked. =D The ring is gorgeous, though, with no crusties and a lovely light blue topaz stone.

We went back to Charleston to do a walk-through of the aquarium with Barrie in tow. It was fun and we came up with some great ideas. We also met up with Duvall to discuss catering and decor. They seemed a bit snooty and all the ladies were pretty and young and slender, but they have good menu options and some really cool lighting and seating options.

In other news, I got my dress in, alterations done, everything paid for and supposed to be picked up on Friday. Oops. Barrie's dress was paid for and ordered (after much hassle), and Laura's and Ashleigh's dresses are ordered and paid for. Tuesday we're heading to Men's Wearhouse to pick out tuxes and I'm waiting until closer to the date to order Megan's dress in a pointless hope that she'll have a freakish growth spurt in the next six months and the alterations needed won't cost as much as the dress itself. Also have to pick out outfits for Sophie and Matt.

The aquarium has been booked, we found a bakery to do the cakes and brownies, and found a DJ who does karaoke as well. We're going down on the 17th to do a tasting with the caterer, sign their contract, and give them a deposit for the date; take Stephanie to the aquarium so she can get a feel for the space and lighting; and meet with the DJ to secure him as well.

I found (hopefully) the origami bouquets we're going to do on etsy, I just have to contact the seller to see if she'll do a custom order for us. We're still waiting to hear back about the design and decor from Duvall, crossing our fingers that it won't be some ungodly amount.

Costliness

2010-11-19T17:17:00.000-08:00

The second round at David's Bridal went incredibly well. I tried on bridesmaid dresses, too, to see how they'd look. The verdict is pretty great. So long as Barrie can keep her heaving bosom under control in her strapless dress. Took Megan in to try on the blue one. Unfortunately, she's a miniature person and is already nearly 17, so unlikely to do much growing in the next year. The alterations to make the size two top even smaller and hem the skirt are going to end up costing nearly as much as the outfit itself. But it's pretty cute.

I feel almost bad because I wound up buying a dress that the first neglectful lady had me try on, but I'd much rather the new lady get the commission for it. Now I just need to decide what I'm going to do with my hair. Trying desperately to grow it out and it's gotten easier to resist the urge to chop it all off now that I can pull it away from my face and neck in pigtails, but these bangs are going to be the death of me.

Christ called the caterer today and they quoted us about half of our budget for the sushi and pasta stations. But he said he made sure that included tables, chairs, linens, dinnerware, drinks, and EVERYTHING. Plus this is where we expected to spend the most money, so I guess it's not -too- bad. I still have no idea whatsoever what we're going to do in the way of decor, but we are nearly completely committed to Edible Arrangements as centerpieces. Just have to verify with my spacey venue connection that it's kosher.

Oh, and the caterer doesn't include the cake/cupcakes, so we need to figure out what we're going to do about that. Step ever-so-graciously agreed to do our pictures for us. I'm searching fervently in short bursts for favors for the wedding party. Considering getting mother's rings for our moms, but my mom doesn't really wear jewelry and I don't know his mom's style, plus I don't know how odd it would be to give that at a wedding as opposed to on Mother's Day or at the birth of a child or something.

Updating from work

2010-11-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote here, so I figured I'd do a recap of the last six months. Christ bought a ring, a black pearl, then decided he didn't like it; thought it looked too cheap. We went to the Charleston Aquarium and decided to change the venue to there since we were too poor for the Georgia one. Haven't confirmed a date with them yet, as we keep going back and forth between getting a memorable date like 11-11-11 or 9-10-11 or something and booking for a Sunday, which would save us a little over a grand. Also it would make rehearsal dinner easier for people who work Monday-Friday.

Went to Elegant Bridals near the apartment to look at dresses and the lady gave me pause in my headstrong determination to have the kind I wanted when she put me in a dropped waist tight little number that actually looked good with a birdcage veil. But it was about eight or nine hundred dollars. Woe.

Went to Windsor Jewelers to begin the exhausting search for a ring without a single hint of diamond. Discovered the gorgeousness of blue topaz. The guy suggested just a solitaire on a plain band, but it seemed...I dunno, supercilious of the stone, all lording it over the band, whose sole purpose is to support the stone. Yes, I know. Anyway, so I found a neat twisty band, but it was positively crawling with crusty tiny diamonds. The guy said he could have it specially made for me without them for two grand. I thanked him and left. Then we went to Jared's and found a simple twisty one. But they couldn't order blue topaz. They assured me that aquamarine looked very similar and said that if we opened an account and ordered the band, they could order the stone and if we didn't like it when it came in, they'd send it back free of charge. So Christ whipped out his card and applied. And gloated for the rest of the month over how much he was approved for.

Three weeks later, he called them about it and they said it wouldn't be ready until 12/27, three months after our initial trip, when we'd been told 3-5 weeks. So I called and talked to the manager about it. He said they'd order the aquamarine -and- blue topaz and it'd be in in less than a week. They called a few days later and we went down to approve the stones. The blue topaz looked sososo much better and was almost half the price. Also! They would be able to have it mounted in the store, so we didn't have to wait until December for the band.

Went to David's Bridal with Barrie yesterday afternoon and it was TOTALLY different than my previous outings to try things on. Our lady had Barrie help me in and out of the dresses, she only brought us one or two and then sent us out to wander the store in one of them while she flitted about with other people. It wasn't even as though it was busy or anything; I dunno what she was doing. Anyway, she sent us over to the section that had my size and told us to pull whatever we wanted. When I pointed our other dresses on mannequins or in the catalog, she said that she'd show me something 'similar in [my] size', which were never very similar. She wouldn't let me try on anything else (using those handy little clamps they have) and when I asked about removing details or changing necklines and things, she just kind of dismissed it with a maybe. Didn't offer any suggestions or...anything. I mean, I don't expect to be waited on hand and foot, but seriously? When we were leaving, she suggested I look online at their website. Bluh. I bitched about it to Beth, who called the manager and complained. So I'm supposed to go back Tuesday to try again with someone else.

Christ also picked up the ring yesterday and won't let me see it. He keeps gushing about how awesome it is and showing everyone else, though. Jerk. I think I've settled on bridesmaid dresses and colors, so that's good. And flowers, too, maybe? I like tiger lillies, amaryllis, and hibiscus with blue delphiniums, maybe? I dunno, something little that's bright blue.

Woo!

2010-05-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

Deposit for the venue taken care of. Gotta call and find out the room dimensions to see if all the tables will adequately fit.

ETA: Also, I told Mom. She volunteered $5000. Since we're definitely not going to need all the money we've been saving plus that, we should be able to take a pretty awesome honeymoon.

Update

2010-04-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

So I've confirmed the venue for 10/1/11 and I'm supposed to go down and pay the deposit within ten days. The rest isn't due until the month of. Now I'm just looking for someone to make my dress since I dunno how long that's gonna take. We're not doing flowers or booze and the venue provides chairs and a few tables. So we just have to confirm what we're going to do, food-wise, and find a caterer, extra tables (maybe from Christ's church), and linens, make a final decision on centerpieces, pick someone to do the cake (well in the future), and figure out what we're going to do about music. Oh, and figure out seating stuff. Still, though, I'm patting myself on the back for being on top of things.

Telling my parents next week sometime.

Date

2010-04-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

10.01.11

Venue

2010-04-20T01:21:00.001-07:00

We're going to check out Julian Smith Casino tomorrow to see if it'll work. And then Beth and I are going to attempt bouquets. Christ was talking to his mom about the guest list and it still didn't seem like she was opposed. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. But for now I'm so so so happy.

=D!

2010-04-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

So we may have found a place. Cheeeap. Kinda dull. But! That means that we can afford to find fun stuff to decorate with and personalize. I really think that that was the difficult portion and the rest will be fun.

...why do I get the feeling that I'll look back at this and laaaaugh?

Also, Christ told his mom. And she didn't flip out. She might actually be excited? I -think- I'm going to hold out for the ring to tell my parents. But I also thought that I wouldn't tell anyone until then, so maybe not. Either way, no more stress!

=(

2010-04-14T22:57:00.001-07:00

Already stressed about this wedding thing. I just want a treehouse. That's all. It shouldn't be -that- hard, should it?

Update.

2009-11-29T23:03:00.001-08:00

Being as I was just reminded of this blog's existence, I figured that I may as well do a life update. Still living in the apartment with Tristan. Let's do a time line.

April- Eli broke up with me. Was inconsolable. Seemed completely random.

May/June- Burney moved in. Yay. We had a Villains Party. Met Jeromy. Zoe returned and we had a cake fight. I threw myself at Jack's friend Walter and was a general embarrassment. Started hanging out with Meagan and made suggestions to bring her in as the next roommate.

July- Burney makes several attempts at suggesting guys for me to date. All failures. Then she mentions someone that Tristan had made vague references to in the past. I goad her into inviting him to a revival of Game Night. He's pretty ridiculously attractive, despite the recently shorn locks, but slightly awkward. At Burney's insistence, I Facebook friend him and invite him to the next week's, which happens to also be the night of the Harry Potter premiere. Eli is there, but things are only moderately awkward. I'm thrilled. And from there things get complicated.

I get a Facebook message from Meagan's on-again-off-again love interest telling me that she and Eli fooled around drunkenly whilst he and I were dating. I send him a message asking about it and he confirms, giving me only a lame apology. I tell him I never want to see him again. The new boy sends me a Facebook message in which he inadvertently claims to be Christ. This is how I refer to him from here out. Since then I haven't seen or talked to Eli (though I did hear that Meagan has herpes! = o!) and have completely and obscenely fallen for Christ. Knew I'd end up falling for him when I got this response from a message I sent him: "Did that sound suitably self-outraged as to imply profound apologeticness and thus prompt abstinance from further references to the offending party as a jerk?"

In fact, it may be easier here to document messages sent during the time to convey my smittenness.

'...a brilliantly animated, terribly intelligent, overly attractive young man. Especially one with knee-weakening eloquence and eyes that make your breath catch a little bit. There are far too few of these in the world, so we should preserve the ones that exist.' That was after two weeks of knowing him. I'm sure that this is thoroughly boring, so we'll just leave it at that and say that my affection towards him has increased exponentially with every single day that has passed since then.

It was shortly after Christ and I started seriously talking, in Vallarta's, that Tristan told me he thought that our days of being super good friends were numbered. Couldn't tell me why, but it was the beginning of the end. In the last few weeks, things have definitely started to go to shit. He and Burney decided that it'd be a good idea to date one another. Given her propensity for fits and general immaturity, this put me in a very uneasy situation. If they broke up and she decided that she couldn't deal with living here, we're suddenly out a roommate. Which means I'm suddenly on the streets with a broken lease on my credit report, rendering me unable to procure an apartment elsewhere. After I grumble about it, they agree to sign me off of the lease and I'll continue to live here, resting safe in the knowledge that at least if she bails I'll still be able to find somewhere else to live.

The week that I'm supposed to be signed off the lease, Burney evidently goes crazy. Starts with how we don't clean as often as she'd like for cleaning to be done, so instead she does it and gets mad with how she's the only one who ever cleans. But then she just goes off on how there are 'personality differences' and basically pins it all on me somehow. Makes up random excuses that have no bearing on the situation and tells people that ('Lisa thinks that if she keeps late hours and dyes her hair weird colors, people will think she's still a teenager'...what?) when they ask why she's leaving. Well, that, or one of a dozen other reasons that she apparently makes up on the spot, as she never brought them up when we asked her about why she was leaving. But she says that she'll stay until we get a new roommate.

That lasts for all of a week and a half. Then I get a text that says that she's moving out in January regardless of whether we've found someone or not. Essentially, all she's done is prove that she is completely capable and even likely to do exactly what I'd been worried that she was going to do-- flip shit and strand us. At this point, I'm not sure what we're going to do about a new roommate. Tempted to go off and find a new place myself so that I'll at least be securely living elsewhere when this lease breaks. I told her that I wasn't going to let her off of the lease unless we'd found someone else, so at least she'd be fucked, too. Gr. Arg.

Well, that's it for now. Thank you for being updated on my life.

Envy.

2009-03-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

So it was definitely a bad idea to start talking to Caleb. It's not that I want him --god forbid!-- so much as it is that it brings to the front exactly what I'm missing. I want a guy that will be excited to go and do things with me instead of just resigned. I want a guy whose idea of showing me he cares isn't grabbing my ass in public. I want someone who will show initiative and who won't just shrug if I leave. I'm trying to decide if this constitutes game-playing or attention-seeking, but I think that would only be the case if I actually did walk away to illicit a reaction. Ideally, I should probably just talk to him. Not that there would be a point, probably. Guys don't change and I wish that I would stop thinking that they might. I just can't be happy with anything.

Love.

2009-02-06T19:05:00.000-08:00

Postsecret.

2009-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long while, Postsecret had a secret that applied to me. And to hell with blogger not letting me just put the picture in the stupid entry.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SV_QDVyl8lI/AAAAAAAAHos/AgT-oN2n5OE/s1600-h/cuteshoestoo.jpg

I am an Ingrid.

2008-10-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level

* my ability to establish warm connections with people

* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

* being unique and being seen as unique by others

* having aesthetic sensibilities

* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

* feeling guilty when I disappoint people

* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

* expecting too much from myself and life

* fearing being abandoned

* obsessing over resentments

* longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games

* are very sensitive

* feel that they don't fit in

* believe they are missing something that other people have

* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

* help their children become who they really are

* support their children's creativity and originality

* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Impure.

2008-10-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	48.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	64.6%
Shamelessness	57.1% It takes a couple of drinks	78.8%
Sex Drive	73.7% A fool for love, but not always	77.1%
Straightness	10.7% Knows the other body type like a map	43.8%
Gayness	87.5% Repressed, are we?	83.6%
Fucking Sick	82.3% Refreshingly normal	89.8%
You are 59.34% pure Average Score: 72.3%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Boyfriend.

2008-09-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

With 27 thousand reasons why it won't work, why do I still have that little glimmer that it will? Why are there so many stupid outside forces that happen to be so stupidly important? I'm trying to actually secure a reasonably mature relationship. I'm not acting like a stupid kid obsessed with her significant other and I'm keeping my head up, putting on a good face, trying to deal with things waaaay outside of my comfort zone. And, wha-hey, giving up sex. And all because I really believe and want things to work out. I have this totally optimistic and bright-eyed idea that after just a few months everything will settle and sort themselves out and I'm not at all used to such hope. I'm overwhelmingly excited about what's gonna come of it and have moments of choking on nerves. I forgot what a surge of emotions this sort of thing can bring. Fingers crossed.

Fuck you.

2008-09-19T03:41:00.000-07:00

Fuck you for making me so stupidly happy and fuck you for giving me someone to sleep with at night again. Fuck you for making me hope that something could actually work out for me. Fuck you for somehow creeping past my pessimism and cynical view of everything. Fuck you for telling me I'm awesome and making my heart and head swell and then juxtaposing that with all the reasons why you don't like me, why you shouldn't, why you won't. Fuck you for somehow coming in and with one fell swoop destroying the self-confidence that I managed to have for myself and for the first time in years and years and years actually making me wish that I was different. Fuck you for being you and fuck me for falling back into the place of that stupid little girl clinging to something she knows won't work out, for trying to hold onto the guy with one foot already out the door, and for keeping the bed warm should he decide to grace her with his presence again and give her even a quarter of a chance.

And fuck you for snoring all night and keeping me up.

DragonCon.

2008-09-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

Had a ridiculously good time this weekend. Got to get away from work, go to interesting panels about the impending apocalypse and Shadow People, eye Nathan Fillion from afar, lean on railings and judge people, and ogle cute boys in spandex. Could there -be- a recipe for a better weekend?

With friends like these...

2008-08-24T17:56:00.000-07:00

I love that my friends are trying to convince me that I really really like the guy who has absolutely no interest in me. Awesome. At least they make me Lemon Drops.

Men.

2008-08-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

I hate that moment of realisation when it dawns on you that the person you're talking to only cares about you when he doesn't have anything else in his life. You know, the kind of guy that dotes on you and is totally your BFF until something, anything better comes along. The kind of guy that you resolve to not get into a close friendship with, so you stop calling and stop texting because you fucking hate that moment of realisation. And then he'll call you. Or text you. Some random day when you're not ready for it, when you haven't had time to prepare. You're blindsided and find yourself laughing and chatting like nothing ever happened. And then, after a few days of this, you start calling him...until you're venting about something random and you hear that distant tone in his voice when he says 'hey...let me call you back in a minute, okay?'. And at first you think, sure, he'll call me back. You're confident. And then it doesn't happen. And it hits you again.

Who the hell needs a boyfriend to do this when my male friends fill my daily recommended dose?

Confessions.

2008-07-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

I’d forgotten how god damn cathartic blogging can be. Speaking of ‘god damn’, though, I’m going to try taking a page from the Catholics and confessing trespasses I’ve made (at least all I can remember) and apologizing to people. I’ll actually name names here, so if you don’t want to know shit I may have said about you, I wouldn’t read any further. These are in no particular order.

Nicole- I’m sorry I’ve called you crazy, slutty, and a cheater. I’m sorry for the (no)thing with Jack. And I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Jack- I’m sorry I can’t like you that way. I’m sorry for leading you on. And I’m sorry for saying you kiss funny.

Raigh- I’m sorry for saying that you were kinda slutty, too. I’m sorry for saying you’re a flake and that you’re two-faced. I’m sorry for zipping away without a word of explanation as to why I did it. It wasn’t because you hurt me, believe it or not, but because I was afraid that you wouldn’t hesitate to do it again and it might hurt me next time.

Johnathan- I’m sorry I said you have problems.

Misc. guys that have come and gone- I’m sorry I likely called you creepy and probably gave you wrong phone numbers. I’m sorry I couldn’t be less shallow. I’m sorry I couldn’t like you for more than three days.

Beth- I’m sorry for saying that you’re annoying and slightly promiscuous. I’m sorry that I have a tendency to only befriend you when I need something.

Miles- I’m sorry for all those times that I called you a bad person. I’m sorry for all the shit that went down between us that made us hate each other.

Jerod- I’m sorry we made each other crazy.

Rykie- I’m sorry I called you overly feminist. I’m sorry that we’ve mostly lost touch. And I’m sorry that I conspired with your sister to ruin your life your senior year of high school. =P

Daniel- I’m sorry for that time frame after Amanda.

Jeska- I’m sorry I called you a tubby whore. I’m sorry we clashed so much as roommates.

Amber- I’m sorry I called you kinda flaky.

But you are. That’s enough for now; I was starting to feel like I was writing a suicide note or something. One last note: Just because I’m apologizing for these things doesn’t mean I take them back (for the most part) or that they won’t happen again. I never learn.

The Bet.

2008-07-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

Whoever has sex first wins. It quickly became clear that it wasn’t gonna happen for either of us. So we did what we do best. Made it infinitely easier by changing it to ‘whoever gets a –kiss- first wins’ and made it slightly more insidious by adding the stipulation that the kissee can’t know that it’s for a bet. Only mildly heartless, right?

The sad thing? It’s been nearly a month now and neither of us are even close to winning. –sigh-

Girlfriends

2008-07-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

Jill (as in Jill-off) and Jenn are best friends. Jenn beats a hasty retreat and Jill is heartbroken. I’m with you so far. Then Jill writes Jenn off, talks shit, and is generally bitchy. Which is understandable to an extent. Then Jill pairs up with Jane and the duo are inseparable. Jane finds out about past transgressions made by yours truly months and months ago, runs with half a story instead of finding out what happened, and writes –me- off. Why, yes, Augusta girls –are- overly-dramatic. What gave it away? Now because Jane has disowned me, Jill has followed suit. My loss, right? Then Jill and Jane have the expected blow-out and write each –other- off. What’s the logical next step here? Oh, right, Jane buddying up with Jenn. Ladies, ladies. How do you ever keep track of where your loyalties lie?

2008-07-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

Please don’t feed me lines about some idealistic future

Your heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

So a week ago I sent him an email with Bowling for Soup lyrics (It’s too bad and it’s too late/You were such a big mistake/Please don’t call me anymore/…I used to miss you) and haven’t spoken to him since. I thought I’d have to run to get away, but it turns out we’d already drifted farther away than I could ever run.

“I wish I could have known you back before you were the cynical bitch you are now.”

“You wouldn’t’ve liked me. I was damn annoying.”

But then I remember a beautiful lady who –did- like me. Liked me a fuck of a lot. And I can see her sitting with me in that hellhole apartment where I was slowly drained of my sanity and sunny disposition. And I hear her asking, “What happened to you?”. And I want to cry.

I’m not going to name names. This isn’t about calling people out or pointing fingers. This is about me, not you. Don’t get me wrong; there will be shit-talking and plenty of it. But the names have been changed to protect…hell, is anyone innocent anymore?