Envy.

So it was definitely a bad idea to start talking to Caleb. It's not that I want him --god forbid!-- so much as it is that it brings to the front exactly what I'm missing. I want a guy that will be excited to go and do things with me instead of just resigned. I want a guy whose idea of showing me he cares isn't grabbing my ass in public. I want someone who will show initiative and who won't just shrug if I leave. I'm trying to decide if this constitutes game-playing or attention-seeking, but I think that would only be the case if I actually did walk away to illicit a reaction. Ideally, I should probably just talk to him. Not that there would be a point, probably. Guys don't change and I wish that I would stop thinking that they might. I just can't be happy with anything.

Love.

Postsecret.

For the first time in a long while, Postsecret had a secret that applied to me. And to hell with blogger not letting me just put the picture in the stupid entry.



https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUMqm_L4jvCDmd9UyIfhCZL1AT1987IWtvcX9CdABWJDqJanP8pq4QOoI09qUcmPKUI-bHQUShulgmldAQCMw-WXjFIAqea9DctLufoPDZH741Bya4_hYKxVL2N5BbgxnmxekuD8hT8Tok/s1600-h/cuteshoestoo.jpg

I am an Ingrid.

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.


• * Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.


• * Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.


• * Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.


• * Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

• * my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level


• * my ability to establish warm connections with people


• * admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life


• * my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor


• * being unique and being seen as unique by others


• * having aesthetic sensibilities


• * being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

• * experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair


• * feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved


• * feeling guilty when I disappoint people


• * feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me


• * expecting too much from myself and life


• * fearing being abandoned


• * obsessing over resentments


• * longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

• * have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games


• * are very sensitive


• * feel that they don't fit in


• * believe they are missing something that other people have


• * attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.


• * become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood


• * feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

• * help their children become who they really are


• * support their children's creativity and originality


• * are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings


• * are sometimes overly critical or overly protective


• * are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Impure.

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	48.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	64.6%
Shamelessness	57.1% It takes a couple of drinks	78.8%
Sex Drive	73.7% A fool for love, but not always	77.1%
Straightness	10.7% Knows the other body type like a map	43.8%
Gayness	87.5% Repressed, are we?	83.6%
Fucking Sick	82.3% Refreshingly normal	89.8%
You are 59.34% pure Average Score: 72.3%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Boyfriend.

With 27 thousand reasons why it won't work, why do I still have that little glimmer that it will? Why are there so many stupid outside forces that happen to be so stupidly important? I'm trying to actually secure a reasonably mature relationship. I'm not acting like a stupid kid obsessed with her significant other and I'm keeping my head up, putting on a good face, trying to deal with things waaaay outside of my comfort zone. And, wha-hey, giving up sex. And all because I really believe and want things to work out. I have this totally optimistic and bright-eyed idea that after just a few months everything will settle and sort themselves out and I'm not at all used to such hope. I'm overwhelmingly excited about what's gonna come of it and have moments of choking on nerves. I forgot what a surge of emotions this sort of thing can bring. Fingers crossed.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for making me so stupidly happy and fuck you for giving me someone to sleep with at night again. Fuck you for making me hope that something could actually work out for me. Fuck you for somehow creeping past my pessimism and cynical view of everything. Fuck you for telling me I'm awesome and making my heart and head swell and then juxtaposing that with all the reasons why you don't like me, why you shouldn't, why you won't. Fuck you for somehow coming in and with one fell swoop destroying the self-confidence that I managed to have for myself and for the first time in years and years and years actually making me wish that I was different. Fuck you for being you and fuck me for falling back into the place of that stupid little girl clinging to something she knows won't work out, for trying to hold onto the guy with one foot already out the door, and for keeping the bed warm should he decide to grace her with his presence again and give her even a quarter of a chance.

And fuck you for snoring all night and keeping me up.